This isn’t the first time I’ve found myself trapped in a cycle of comparison and perfectionism. What is beauty in our eyes? What does it mean to be successful? Here is what I have learned — life is absolutely meaningless. There is no greater purpose. Simply put, the meaning of life is to experience it. It’s to live. To feel the pain with the joy, the warmth of a hot shower and the sting of cold rain. Nothing more and nothing less. One of the best (and worst) things I ever did was create a compilation of quotes, personal reflections, and advice on social media that serve as a reminder to bring me back to myself. I’ve found three recently that have created the perfect trifecta of power — reminders of beauty, the humanness of mediocrity, and who we’re supposed to be living for. Join me in learning to be human again.
Our reflection
We were never meant to see our faces this much. Avi Gill talks about this theory, and how for most of human history, the only reflection we ever saw of ourselves was in water. Instead of worrying about how we looked, we just lived in the moment. We didn’t compare our face or body to someone else’s because we didn’t know its intricate details. We couldn’t see the pores on our cheeks or the cellulite on the back of our legs. When you think about what you love about your friends and family, how long does it take for you to list their physical features? You don’t. You love their passion, intelligence, kindness, all of their fun quirks. Don’t forget that’s the way they view you. Avi says that the way we see ourselves is not real. Others don’t obsess over our features like we do. They see us in moments. You’re not an image to be looked at — you’re an experience to be felt.
“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.” William Shakespeare.
Our mediocrity
I spend a hell of a lot of time overthinking. Not just comparing the way I look, but my attributes and abilities, too. I want to be incredibly talented at every new hobby I pick up (while also only putting in a small amount of effort to be good at it, because I get distracted with something new shortly after). Why can’t I be okay with being bad at something new? Better still, why do I have to be good at something to enjoy it? I recently stumbled across Whitney Hanson’s poetry and it centred me. “The reality of our humanity is that we are all a little bit average at a lot of things. The truth is that we’re all not that good.” Most of the time, we hurt the most from the pressure we put on ourselves. We create perfectionism; we create comparison. We are the ones who want more. But we don’t have to be more. We’re only human.
“You will never be able to experience everything. So, please, do poetical justice to your soul and simply experience yourself.” Albert Camus.
Our inner child
“There are only two people whose pride should truly matter to you — not your parents, not your friends, not even your mentors. Just two: the 8-year-old you, full of dreams, and the 80-year-old you, full of memories. Both are watching you now.” Think about yourself at every age of growth in your life up until now — the 13-year-old you who wasn’t brave enough to tell the truth, the 17-year-old that held so tightly onto the words of others that any whisper sent them spiralling. And then think about all the nights since then that you’ve chosen the right thing over the easy thing, every time you thought about quitting but didn’t, and the big, scary leaps you took in changing your life for the better. Neither version of you is concerned with material success or what others think. It’s not about perfection, it’s about being the truest version of yourself. So do you, and make them proud.
“I’m not everything I want to be, but I’m more than I was, and I’m still learning.” Charlotte Eriksson.
We all fall victim to perfectionism, comparison, and self-doubt. You don’t have to be everything, all the time. It’s okay to simply exist. Be bad at something new, or be bad at something forever. Who really cares?
Yours,
Kait x
Cover photo by Klaudia Rak