I’ve been so focused on taking care of my physical health and nutrition lately that I’ve forgotten about my mental and emotional health. I’ve gone through big change after big change the last few months and haven’t given myself the grace I needed. When I came home to Perth, nothing turned out like the way I’d planned. I was frustrated at the way my life was unfolding and I felt as lost as I was before. Trying to get myself out of this way of thinking, I’ve sat myself down to reassess and focus instead of what’s going right. Focus on how I can shift my mindset to take care of myself better.
Be soft on yourself
When life becomes overwhelming, it’s easy to focus on what you have left to do and not acknowledge everything you’ve just been through and the strength it took to get through it. In the last two months, I’ve moved back to my home country, moved into a new house with strangers, started a new job, lost a connection with a person I thought was my person, chose to terminate my pregnancy, and visited the hospital. My initial reaction in dealing with all of this was anxiety and disappointment. But when I spoke to everyone else in my life who had given their support, they all said the same thing: “stop being so hard on yourself”.
Taking that advice on board, I am instead now choosing to focus on how far I’ve come. I was putting all of this pressure on myself to be best friends with my housemates and work colleagues straight away and to fall back into the way it felt to be home. Life just doesn’t work like that. Things take time and conscious effort. And while I still have a long way to go in feeling settled into this new life, I can and should be proud of making it this far. Don’t just look at what you’ve done in the last six months, or even a year. Look back at your 12 or 16 or 20 year old self and realise your own strength. Make a list of everything you’ve accomplished recently, even if it’s something small – I think you’ll be surprised by how much you are capable of.
Fresh perspectives
The hardest thing to do is to start. But even before that, it’s about being aware. Recognising that you need to make changes to your state of mind is difficult. We have a natural tendency to focus on the negative aspects of our life – it’s called a negativity bias. Most of us don’t even realise we’re doing it, but all we’re doing when focusing on what’s going wrong is bringing more of that same energy into our life. Given it’s a natural thing for us, we need to make a conscious decision to overcome it.
One thing that almost always helps me to shift my mindset is listening to a motivational podcast or reading a self-help book. Sometimes we need help in shifting our perspective, and learning from someone else is a great start. When making changes, it’s important that we put ourselves into a space that’s the most conducive to self growth. Surround yourself with the means to change. Don’t confuse this with being overly positive – negative emotions still need to be felt and expressed in order for us to move forward.
One thing at a time
When we’ve made the decision to change our mindset, it can feel like such a huge energy shift that we start making a million plans and new habits. As exciting as this is, building new habits and ways of thinking is a slow process. It’s practicing the same thing over and over again. Because of that, you can’t overwhelm your brain with too many new tasks at once. Give yourself space, patience, and time.
I’m always hoping to incorporate more habits into my routine – gratitude journalling, creative hobbies, yoga. But sometimes life takes over and we don’t get around to it. Living is hard enough as it is without the added pressure we put on ourselves. The pressure to be perfect, to have it all together, to know exactly where we’re going. Learn to be softer on yourself and take one step at a time. Learn to stay and try. To feel less of the world on your shoulders. Because no matter where you are right now, there’s still so much more you have to look forward to.
Yours,
Kait x
Cover photo by Kool Shooters